Heavy By Tammy Nicole Glover

The grief of life’s disappointments weighed heavy on my shoulders. Shame from past deeds clawed at my back. They were unshakeable. The more I tried to break free, the stronger their grip grew. I couldn’t breathe. I just needed a minute to breathe.

I dug a hole, a fortress, to hide and regroup. I was only supposed to stay there for a little while but it started to become my permanent home. I knew I didn’t belong there but it was safe. Instead of coming out, I dug in deeper until I was completely covered in dirt. I had successfully buried myself in darkness. So deep and dark was my hole, I had no idea where I was or how to get myself out. I needed help.

How could I possibly call out for help now? I was a complete mess. I didn’t want anyone to see me this way. Embarrassment covered my mouth like duct tape yet I still wondered why no one came looking for me. Not only was I foolish enough to get myself in this mess but I had isolated myself so much no one even knew to look for me.

I sat in the darkness, resigned to the fact I wasn’t going down in a blaze of glory but as a fool in filth. I let go of my last sliver of hope and waited for th end. In the distance, I heard a voice whisper my name. It sounded familiar, full of love and compassion. I wanted to be close to whoever was at the end of that voice. It didn’t matter how terrible I looked anymore. I just wanted to be free.

I summoned up my last bit of strength and called out. “I’m in a hole and I can’t get out. I don’t even know where I am. Please help me.”

The voice answered, “don’t be afraid. I Am is with you. I saw when you dug the hole. You were never lost. You never left my sight.”

I felt the weight begin to lift. A pinhole of light appeared and grew bigger. My eyes hurt as they adjusted to the light. I could breathe again. Exhausted and covered in dirt, I was again aware of my filthiness. Embarrassed by needing help, I wanted to run away but my legs were too weak to stand, let alone run away from my rescuer. Yet, I still tried to hide my face. I felt strong arms wrap me up and gently lead me to safety. Not only was I cleaned and fed by my rescuer but I was given a place of honor at His table and welcomed into His family.

No matter how lost we think we are, we are never lost to God. His eye is always on us and His ear is always inclined to our call. There is nothing too heavy for Him to lift off us. You may ask, why would someone so holy and mighty even bother. You may think you’re not even worthy of His help. However, worthiness is based on the Creator’s standards. Ask yourself, would a father sacrifice his son for someone he did not deem worthy? That would be an utterly cruel thing to do. God sent His Son Jesus to bear the weight of our sins, pain and shame because He loves us. His desire isn’t for anyone to perish but He knew because of our sins, we couldn’t stand in His presence. We would be destroyed by His holiness. So, He made a way for us to be reconciled with Him and to be restored, but only if we choose to call out.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.” John 3:16-18 KJV

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