“The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.” Psalm 28:7 NIV
This month has been filled with one betrayal and attack after another. At first, I did a great job of keeping my head up and staying in praise. I was determined to stay positive but as the blows came harder and faster, it became more difficult to catch my breath. I started to become frustrated and angry. Of course, I wanted to be angry at God. Why was this happening when I’ve been doing my best to be a light in a dark world?
Darkness was starting to get the better of me. I started to believe that I was completely unqualified to do what God called me to do, which was to encourage. I felt like I was a disappointment to God. It hurts when you know you’ve disappointed a parent but it’s devastating to feel as if you have disappointed your Heavenly Father. It was as if I could feel Him looking down from His throne, shaking His head and thinking, this is who I called to fight in my army, pitiful.
Depression started to kick in and I knew that if I allowed it to continue, it would be an extremely difficult road for me to come back from. With tears in my eyes, I called out to God and begged for strength. Quitting is not an option. I would like to say that God gently patted my head and told me to be of good cheer because He was taking away all my problems. Nope. Instead, He firmly told me to remember His Word. All things work for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). If He is for me, who can be against me (Romans 8:31). I am more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37). I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13). He has chosen me and not rejected me. He will strengthen me and help me. He will uphold me with His righteous right hand (Isaiah 41: 9-10). He has commanded me to be strong and courageous. I have been commanded to not be afraid or discouraged because He will be with me wherever I go (Joshua 1:9).
I sat up in my bed, still sore from my wounds and blurry-eyed from my tears and said, “I will not give up! I will never stop praising the Lord! No matter how many people try to tell me God is not good, I will continue to proclaim His goodness, power and His love!”
Fully armed with God’s Word, power and army of angels, I’m getting back in the ring. I may look like a hot mess, with my black eye, missing teeth and bloody, bruised body but I promise at the end of this fight, I will be completely healed, fully restored and God will get all the glory.
Round Two, Let’s Go!
“But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high.” Psalm 3:3 NIV