My Story from A to Z by Tammy Nicole Glover

My Story from A to Z by Tammy Nicole Glover

Apple of His eye

Before I was formed in my mother’s womb.

Chosen to be His daughter

Destined to serve in His kingdom

Even though He knew I would turn my back on Him.

Fighting to go my own way

Giving in to the lusts of my flesh

Hope faded.

Indescribable pain took residence in my heart

Jeopardizing my eternity.

Keeping my sins hidden left me exhausted

Longing for death, but still longing to be loved.

Moving further away from Light

Not wanting to be seen or heard.

Opening myself to more depression

Purposefully cutting myself off from life.

Questioning, why am I here

Remembering a blessed life with Christ.

Safety, I want to feel safe in His arms again.

Tortured by my past sins, I fear I will never be able to return to Him.

Used and abused by the demons that held me captive

Voiceless

What can I do to escape? I weep and He hears my silent cries

X-ray vision probe my heart. Seeing a heart marred with scars and infested wounds

You, Lord, know how to clean and heal me. I return to You, my Rescuer, my Savior.

Zealously, I will follow You.

Season 2 Premiere Episode, Neither Seen, Nor Heard

Season 2 Premiere Episode, Neither Seen, Nor Heard

Season 2 of Balm for the Soul with Tammy Nicole Glover podcast is finally here. You can listen to the all new episode, Neither Seen, Nor Heard on:

Anchor: https://anchor.fm/tammy-glover/episodes/Neither-Seen–Nor-Heard-e18391e.

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4YhmDdaQR0dE8mKenFgruq?si=UMgirqTzSxWnsqWQtI-YnQ&utm_source=copy-link&dl_branch=1

Google Podcast: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81YTg3NDA3NC9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw/episode/NDI1YTNmYTItNDZkNi00Njc0LTk2ZmQtZTg0MDVjNjRlZTkz?ep=14

Lord, Don’t You Care? By Tammy Nicole Glover

Lord, Don’t You Care? By Tammy Nicole Glover

As my heavy eyes finally begin to close and I drift off to sleep, I’m jolted awake. “Help me, help me,” my father yelled across the hall.

I don’t remember the last time I had slept for more than a couple of hours. It felt like he had been battling cancer for an eternity, but it had been more like a couple of months. His pain was increasing and the cancer that ravaged his lungs had moved to his brain.

I dragged my sore and weary body out of bed to see how I could comfort him. He didn’t want me, as such was the case most nights. He wanted my mother. I tried to explain that it was three in the morning but he insisted I get her anyway. With a heavy heart, I went upstairs to wake her, knowing she was working on as little sleep as I was. Swollen feet and legs, she made her way downstairs, pausing to offer up the only prayer she had strength to give. “Oh Father,” she said and continued downstairs.

I went back to my room and crawled into bed. After listening to my parents’ exchange for a few moments, I held the pillow to my face to muffle my cries. “Lord, don’t You care that we’re drowning in grief and pain? Where are You?”

As I retell the events of those months to a good friend, she looks at me in astonishment. “I’ve worked in hospice home health care for years and that was one of the most traumatizing experiences I’ve heard,” she said. “The fact that you’re even able to sit here and talk about it without breaking down is the power of God.”

Those few months while my father was sick were the worst and most painful of my life. I was gripped with intense depression, fear and anxiety. I was overwhelmed with holding down a full time job, caring for my mother who was battling her own health issues and a dying father, all with very little help. It didn’t feel like God was with me at all. However, now that I’ve been on the other side for a few years, I can see that He was.

I was so physically and emotionally exhausted back then it could only have been God that helped me function. I functioned so well that people who didn’t know about my situation had no idea what I was going through. It was only God’s strength that helped me to overcome so many fears during that time. He did care that my family and I were struggling. He brought neighbors to give us rides to the hospital and to help care for my father. He also brought friends to comfort us with prayer.

When we’re deep in a storm, it’s hard to think straight. All we can think about is surviving. We can feel so alone. We desperately search for someone who will see and rescue us but when no one comes, we look to God and ask why He doesn’t care about us. Why has He allowed such torment in our lives? I’m reminded of Matthew 8:23-27, where Jesus’ disciples faced such a situation. They found themselves in a boat during a violent storm. As the darkness enveloped them, their faith started to waiver. The boat was tossed to and fro, water poured into the boat, it looked like they weren’t going to survive. They looked at Jesus, peacefully sleeping oblivious to the danger, the One who had confidently told them they were going to the other side. They frustratingly ask Him, “don’t You care, Lord, that we’re about to die.”

Jesus calmly got up and told not only the storm but them, “peace, be still.”

It’s when we are still we can feel His presence. We can hear His calming voice. When we start to panic during the storm, we can’t hear, we can’t think, we can’t see. I don’t know your situation. I certainly can’t pretend to know why you’re going through what you’re going through. I can’t tell you how long it will last or why God has allowed it to even happen. I can’t even tell you that believing God is with you is going to magically and immediately change your situation. You will probably have to go through it for a while and it will be painful. God never promised that we wouldn’t have to go through the valley. He only promised He would never leave us nor forsake us and that we will get to the other side.

My prayer for you is that as you read these words, you are reminded that God loves you and He does care. I pray that you can find a moment to be still and feel His peace which transcends all understanding and hear His voice which speak words that are a balm to your soul. May His strength help you to fight another day.

“I call on the Lord in my distress, and he answers me.” Psalm 120:1 NIV

God Is Good…Yes, All the Time By Tammy Nicole Glover

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” Isaiah 43:2-3 NIV

Someone recently told me, quite angrily, that God may be holy but definitely not good all the time. All my efforts to explain why God is good all the time came across as condescending towards them. They thought I was dismissing their pain. I was so taken aback by their reaction that it left me questioning my purpose as a writer. The whole reason why I write is to encourage the heartbroken and those who have lost hope. I felt like I had just failed an important test. Was this really what I was called to do?

As much as I tried to shake it off and not take it personally, I just couldn’t. Writer’s block set in. It was like I had subconsciously refused to allow myself to write. The longer I went without writing the more fear, anxiety and doubt took over. Where did I miss it?

After a lot of prayer and sleepless nights, I realized that my answer to the person didn’t come from a place of sincerity or love. I was angry that someone was questioning the goodness of my God. I also felt like my character as a compassionate human being was being attacked. My answer, although polite and “churchy,” was not the answer that person needed. In a sense, I was dismissing their pain. I didn’t realize that they were speaking from a place of intense pain and in their eyes the only person that was big enough for causing that pain was God. I’m sure I came across as someone who is clueless to the pain of others with my positive and upbeat response of, “God loves you and I’m praying for you.”

What was really needed was an honest answer that would probably mean I would have to allow myself to be vulnerable and share a testimony. I don’t share a lot of my personal struggles, especially on social media. I usually try to keep a smile on my face and post words of encouragement, which is probably why people assume that I never have any problems. Nothing could be further from the truth.

When I say that God is good all the time, it is because I have been through something. I’m not just saying a catchy, church phrase. When I say God is good, I mean He was good when I was emotionally and physically abused. He was good when my grief was so overwhelming it felt like I couldn’t breathe. He was good when I didn’t think I would see another day and wasn’t even sure if I wanted to. He was good when I was paralyzed with fear, He was good when I was lied on, lied too and betrayed. He was good during every family drama and every moment of loneliness. In sickness or health, He is good. In lack or in plenty, He is good.

Why?

Because no matter what the situation, He never left my side. He never lied to me and promised that I would never experience hardships during my time on this earth. Life doesn’t become perfect when you accept Jesus as your Savior. In fact, He promised that I would definitely face many hardships of various kinds but He promised to never leave me. He loves me so much that He sent His One and only Son to endure unspeakable torture and death just so that I could receive His mercy and to have a relationship with Him on earth and in heaven. He has never been the cause of my pain but He has always been my solution. No matter how angry I get because I have to endure pain or I want to turn my back on Him because He isn’t answering as quickly as I want Him to, He is always faithful. He is my Healer and Restorer. No matter how hopeless my situation looks, He always gives me the victory.

The fact that no one can tell that I’ve been through the fire is because He was by my side, shielding me from the flames. I came out healed and stronger. I don’t know what you’ve been through but I know what I’ve been through. I know that God is not indifferent towards my pain. He is merciful. He is the one that created me and He doesn’t owe me anything. I’m the one that owes Him for all of the blessings He’s given me. I also know that if He did it for me, He can do it for you, if you’re willing to let Him. It may not be instantaneous and it probably won’t happen when or how you think it should but it will happen.

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are–yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:15-16 NIV

Catching My Breath | Resilience In the Storm By Tammy Nicole Glover

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.” Psalm 28:7 NIV

This month has been filled with one betrayal and attack after another. At first, I did a great job of keeping my head up and staying in praise. I was determined to stay positive but as the blows came harder and faster, it became more difficult to catch my breath. I started to become frustrated and angry. Of course, I wanted to be angry at God. Why was this happening when I’ve been doing my best to be a light in a dark world?

Darkness was starting to get the better of me. I started to believe that I was completely unqualified to do what God called me to do, which was to encourage. I felt like I was a disappointment to God. It hurts when you know you’ve disappointed a parent but it’s devastating to feel as if you have disappointed your Heavenly Father. It was as if I could feel Him looking down from His throne, shaking His head and thinking, this is who I called to fight in my army, pitiful.

Depression started to kick in and I knew that if I allowed it to continue, it would be an extremely difficult road for me to come back from. With tears in my eyes, I called out to God and begged for strength. Quitting is not an option. I would like to say that God gently patted my head and told me to be of good cheer because He was taking away all my problems. Nope. Instead, He firmly told me to remember His Word. All things work for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). If He is for me, who can be against me (Romans 8:31). I am more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37). I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13). He has chosen me and not rejected me. He will strengthen me and help me. He will uphold me with His righteous right hand (Isaiah 41: 9-10). He has commanded me to be strong and courageous. I have been commanded to not be afraid or discouraged because He will be with me wherever I go (Joshua 1:9).

I sat up in my bed, still sore from my wounds and blurry-eyed from my tears and said, “I will not give up! I will never stop praising the Lord! No matter how many people try to tell me God is not good, I will continue to proclaim His goodness, power and His love!”

Fully armed with God’s Word, power and army of angels, I’m getting back in the ring. I may look like a hot mess, with my black eye, missing teeth and bloody, bruised body but I promise at the end of this fight, I will be completely healed, fully restored and God will get all the glory.

Round Two, Let’s Go!

“But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high.” Psalm 3:3 NIV

 

 

A Reminder to My Future Self By Tammy Nicole Glover

“They saw that the fire had not harmed their bodies, nor was a hair on their heads singed, their robes were not scorched, and there was no smell of fire on them.” Daniel 3:27 NIV

Dear Future Self,

So, another problem popped up and threatens to overcome you. Don’t panic! You’ve been through this before. It may be a different problem that looks bigger but God has not grown smaller, nor has He changed. He is still the Lord God Almighty, who has promised to never leave you nor forsake you. He is still the God who promised to supply all your needs according to His riches in glory. Don’t forget His commandment for you to be strong and courageous. Don’t be afraid or discouraged. He is with you. (Joshua 1:9)

My beloved future self, don’t doubt God’s love you. He has not removed His mighty hand from you. Surely, you can remember how He delivered you from the last crisis. He not only restored you but He placed you in an even better position than before. You were so blessed that you were able to help those around.

Dry your tears and be of good cheer, for Heavenly Father sees all and will answer your call. God is good, faithful and full of endless love and mercy. Now, is not the time to have a pity party. It’s time to praise God for your victory.

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” Isaiah 43:2-3 NIV

The Master Is At Work

Have patience while the Master is at work. Masterpieces take time and you are one of God’s masterpieces. Don’t fall into the trap of frustration during the process. Stay in expectancy for the beauty that God is about to reveal in your life.

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10 NIV

Not Finished

Rejoice! God’s not even close to the end of His blessings for you. Blessings that you can’t even imagine are on the way. No eye has seen, nor ear has heard all that God has in stored for you. Things may look bleak today but joy is in the forecast for tomorrow.

“Weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5 NIV

No Settling

Don’t be afraid to wait for God’s best. Settling for less than should never be an option. Don’t think that your season of waiting is in vain. It’s in this time that your faith and trust in God grows. God is preparing you to receive His best. You serve a Great God who wants to give you great things. Why would you ever want less than that?

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21 NIV