I was promised a land flowing with milk and honey, if I would just follow Him. He said that I would be a fisher of men. I said yes and followed, never expecting to end up wandering the wilderness for forty years. So maybe it hasn’t been forty years but I thought this was just going to be an eleven day journey. No one told me I would have to lose friends and endure suffering. How many times do I have to go around this same mountain, listening to these same people complaining about the same things. I’m tired of sacrificing and I’m tired of seeing people I love die. I just want to rest in my Promised Land.
It’s not even possible for me to turn around at this point. I’ve seen too many miracles to stop believing. But oh, am I tired of walking on water one minute and sinking the next. Seriously, isn’t that the same mountain I saw last week?
I would absolutely love to tell you that I’m ready to step into my blessings but the truth is, I’m not. I haven’t learned to be thankful and have joy in every circumstance, that’s why I keep complaining about everything. I haven’t been able to fully let go of my past because I keep longing for the good ole days, which really weren’t all that great. I haven’t learned to completely trust God because when He tells me to do something crazy, I still worry about what people will think.
God knows the skills and training I’ll need once I receive His promises. He knows the giants that I’ll have to face and He knows if I had to face them now, I would run away. My faith muscles simply aren’t strong enough right now. So, I’ll continue to persevere and go around this same mountain, yet again and I’ll pray that this time, I can finally cross over into my blessings.
“When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, ‘if they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.'” Exodus 13:17 NIV